Let us begin with the titular topic. Jon Snow is stuck in a catch-22 situation. He cannot defeat the undead without the help of the Wildlings and he will lose the support of the Night’s Watch if he sides with the Wildlings. Maester Aemon, the “last” Targaryen in Westeros urges Jon to Kill the boy so that the man can grow, the same advice he gave his own brother, King Aegon, so many decades ago. As John Snow ponders this, he holds a meeting to discuss his plan of allying with the Wildlings. One brother reasoned, “Sure if you let the Wildlings die, there will be less of them.” “Fewer”, Stannis blurts out in the back, correcting his grammar. It’s a treat for longtime Stannis fans that will remember in Season 2 when Stannis corrected Davos’ grammatical error in the same manner when Davos mentioned he had “four less fingernails to clean”.
It gives us a glimpse into who Stannis Baratheon is, an honorable man, a man who goes by the books, even when it comes to grammar. Stannis sees what Sam is doing, researching ways to kill the undead and he urges Samwell Tarley to keep on reading. He’s a king who can see the value in every man, even if they are not a capable soldier. His daughter Shireen is also proving to be more likable as she earns more camera time. Unfortunately, the show has a tendency to kill off any likable characters. If the show follows true to its history, Stannis or Shireen may meet their doom by season’s end.
Speaking of end, we finally learned of Ser Baristan Selmy’s fate. As predicted, he did not survive his ordeal with the Sons of the Harpy. How could such a storied character end so ignobly in an alleyway? Danaerys in a moment of channeling the anger of some book reading fans had planned to feed the head of the houses of Meereen to her dragons. It was an unprecedented move and reminiscent of her own mad father's method of punishment. One unfortunate soul was ripped in half before being devoured between the two. Afterwards, she re-opened fighting pit arena and decided to marry Hizdahr. This will probably get a lot of viewers scratching their head but it was actually a rushed job to come to the same conclusion that occurred in the books: Danaerys weds Hizdahr and something big happens in the arena. Except in the books, Hizdahr was courting for her marriage from the beginning. In the show he was kind of put in a no-win situation: Either marry me or get eaten by a dragon. The show runners got the same result, albeit in a more Mad Queen kind of way.
Greyworm is still alive but is seriously wounded. This gave the show runner an opportunity to enhance his romantic option with Missandei. Eventually, they kissed but how will this end for our stockless hero? For the record, this never occurred in the book and it felt like the whole arc was forced by the showrunners. Perhaps they wanted to give the actor/actresses more lines outside of the subservient soldier and handmaiden. Or perhaps they want to appease the fandom, either way, longtime fans will only see these moments as background fillers between dragons and zombies. At this point, it’s safe to say Game of Thrones Season 5 and onwards is no longer an adaptation, but a show loosely based on A Song of Ice and Fire series.
In Winterfell we spend a rare evening with the Boltons. First we learned that Ramsay’s paramour, Myranda, is extremely jealous of Sansa. Myranda makes an attempt to bond with Sansa but failed miserably. Telling people your dead mother taught you how to make the dress you’re wearing is a conversation killing, no matter whether you’re in Westeros or planet Earth. Later Myranda spots Sansa near the dog kennels and tells her something surprising is at the end of it, she must see it! As Sansa wanders deeper into the kennel, foreboding music begins to play: Please don’t let it be Caitlyn’s head, please don’t let it be Robb Stark’s head, please don’t let it be… oh its Theon Greyjoy. Naturally Sansa gives him the ill grill that you’d expect from the girl whose family he helped destroy.
What was the point of that scene? What was Myranda hoping to accomplish? That was a pretty pathetic way to bond. This sequence was never explained in the episode except to connect Sansa with Theon. Later Theon confesses to Ramsay that Lady Stark had seen him. An upset Ramsay asked Theon to kneel down in front of him. Oh no, he’s going to ask Theon for a bj! Ramsay asked for Theon’s hand. Oh no, maybe it’s a hand job? Ramsay tells Theon he forgives him. Oh no, Ramsay’s going to break his fingers! Nope, that’s it. Nothing bad happened to Theon. What?! One cannot blame the viewer for thinking of the worst possible thing when Ramsay Bolton is on scene. We were trained to believe he’s a psychopathic killer so it caught everyone off-guard when he displayed an iota of mercy. Afterwards we’re treated to the one of the most awkward dinner scene in Game of Thrones history. Ramsay starts off by calling in Theon and demanding that he apologizes for killing Sansa’s brothers. Roose Bolton sighed a relief when Theon didn’t mention that the Stark boys were still alive.
The scene hammers in the idea of how broken Theon really is. Ramsay later proclaims that since no one is left alive to give Sansa away for marriage, Theon will do the honor of giving away the bride, much to everyone’s chagrin. Roose was visibly upset, but he held it in perfectly. He too had a shocker announcement. He and Lady Walda Frey is expecting a trueborn baby. It was Sansa’s turn to smirk. After dinner, Roose spends some quality time talking to his son: About his birth mother and it offers a little insight of what kind of man Roose Bolton is. To sum it up from a popular Roose Bolton quote from the book, “Don’t make me rue the day I raped your mother.” Alas, that quote never made it into the show.
Finally, somewhere in the world we have Jorah Mormont and Tyrion Lannister. They’re sailing a boat through Old Valyria. “Where are we now? Certainly not the Rhoyne.” Tyrion quips. This was a sneaky homage for the book readers since the scene that is about to occur took place on the Rhoyne river and not through Old Valyria. While peacefully drifting through the doomed city, Drogon flies above them. A dragon far from home, separated from his mother, returning to the roots of all dragons. The awe inspiring sight distracted the two from what eventually became an ambush by the stone men, people were infected by grey scale, the same disease that scarred Shireen Baratheon.
Most stone men were probably sent to Old Valyria by their family, doomed to live the rest of their life as zombie-like animals. During the melee, Tyrion fell into the water and was dragged down by a stone man by the ankle. We were almost treated to a cliffhanger of Tyrion disappearing underwater. Not so fast. He slowly awakens on a beach, rescued by Jorah. Relieved that both are ok, Jorah wanders off to look for firewood before making it back to Meereen on foot. Before the episode end we learned that Jorah is the kind of character who would hide a zombie-bite from the rest of the party – he pulls back his sleeve to reveal a grey scale infection on his wrist.
